Another day, another day

 I keep thinking that I should really post more, but I simultaneously keep thinking that it would be too hard.  Especially finding something to say every time.

Today I come to you with news of a mixed variety.  Honestly, I had somewhat forgotten of my "decision" from my last post, although I have still somewhat been adhering to it as well.  I'm still pursuing Christ-likeness, but definitely not with the same fervor of that day.  

Today I've been struggling a fair bit with doing a chore that I need to.  One that practically is simple, but simultaneously one that is difficult for me for some reason.  I guess I really struggle with most chores right now, but this one is more important because whether or not I do it can affect one of my closest relationships.  I get very frustrated with myself regarding this chore because of the duality of it.  The reality that I struggle paired with the reality that it just simply isn't difficult to perform.

I've also reached out to some old friends trying to rekindle those relationships.  My past few attempts have failed, but perhaps this one will succeed.  I've resolved that all the meaning in life there is, is how you conduct yourself with regard to other people.  Everything else we get so tied up in doing is just filler work.  However, I imagine that most of that "filler" work could also fall under a regard of others depending on how you look at it.  In this instance I'm mostly speaking of those with whom I value relationships though.  And very few of those filler tasks affect those relationships.

I'm also thinking in light of this resolution what I can make of the whole Christianity struggle.  More related to why I should worship God beyond His character and beyond the shared sacrifice that Christ Jesus made.  I dismiss the sacrifice that Christ Jesus made because I struggle to believe that, as many Christians say, He would have done it, if only for me.  I see no reason that I would be worth such a sacrifice, no reason a relationship with me would be so valuable, and thus really no reason why I was even created.  

Surely I can't offer anything to the God who is all powerful and all knowing.  And I suppose the scriptural reality is that I can't offer Him anything practical, anything He needs, but rather something He wants.  But I can't fathom how you can want something you don't need in some way.  Even the things we "want" in life are tied to a need.  Whether it be a need for a specific mood boost to cope with some deficiency elsewhere, or just a general mood boost because we need a little just to exist.  I found my body telling me I needed food for a quick emotional fix while pondering these things this morning.  While I did give in, in some sense, I did also show restraint in that what I craved was "fast food", but I got something more practical.  It definitely was dis-pleasant, but at least I satisfied the true physical hunger that was below the craving.

I think that's where I'll leave you for now as I seem to have run out of things to say, or explain, at the moment.

Be well.

Jeremy.