Life - When It's Always Cloudy Inside™

 Hello.  Today I write humbly because I failed in my goal last night.  At first I forgot that I should write and then, when I remembered, I didn't want to get up and do it.  So I didn't do it.   I'm anxious about today, as most Sundays my emotions are rough. The dissonance between the Gospel and my disobedience to what I feel should happen is more present in my mind.  Because of this my anxiety is significantly increased.  I find slight relief in that I'm doing a class today instead of normally attending service, but the anxiety is still there because I will be in that environment. Again I'm brief, which feels a bit like neglect, but perhaps I will be more expressive with time.  I find that I simply don't have much to report after having slept and not immediately remembering any revelation that may have happened yesterday after my morning post. I hope you have a good day, Jeremy

 Hello.  Yesterday I issued a challenge for you to hold me accountable to write something every day.  I don't know that I have much to say right now.   Perhaps expecting myself to post two times a day was overkill.  I guess this can just be a status update.  I'm here and doing what I am supposed to do, but I feel very poor emotionally today and I'm very tired.  I think part of my mood problem is that there are chores I've been procrastinating about that must be done today. That's all for now, Jeremy 

 Hello again.  A few weeks ago, ironically, I decided to try to write two blog entries a day.  As you probably would have noticed by looking at my entries, I didn't follow through on that.   I really struggle with follow-through in general.  I get a lot of good ideas, and relatively frequently begin working on them.  But very rarely do I ever see an idea through to completion.  The reasons are mixed, but mostly relate to either anxiety or depression.  On writing that I can't help but think...  I wonder how many people struggle profoundly with anxiety or depression, but don't really realize it.  Or at least didn't realize it for a long time.   Many people seem to have a fear, ironically, that talking about any issues they have with self confidence or frequent concerns may prove them weak.  I believe that it just shows others that the reality is that everyone faces those issues and that most everyone dislikes having to ...

 Hello.  I'm not sure who will even find this, or when, but God has imposed on me that its important that I write this tonight.  This is another night where I'm struggling to sleep for a prolonged period of time.  I do have a medicine that is pretty reliable in helping, but I don't like being too dependent on it, so I'm being stubborn and not taking it.  A few minutes ago, before my last attempt to fall asleep, but after a further previous attempt to fall asleep, I decided to watch this weekend's sermon from Life.Church .   As their sermons often do when I tend to watch them, this one left a mark on me.  Now, I know "left a mark" is often used with negative connotations, but right now this isn't really that, but those words, portraying a lasting effect, is what I find most appropriate in this moment.  You see, Life.Church has been in a series called Christmas at the Movies.  Themed after their popular summer sermon series, that they ofte...

It just so happens tonight that I'm having trouble sleeping again.   I'm no stranger to trouble sleeping, but tonight is a bit different.  I can't sleep because I'm somewhat exited.  When I was first unable to sleep tonight though, it was a slight bit of happiness, enough that I was actually smiling.  I was happy because I had accomplished something in a video game that I had been trying to do for a couple of days.  Its funny how something so seemingly simple can have such a profound impact. So, lying awake, I began to think about my present ongoing mental state, as often happens when I can't sleep, or I'm particularly struggling with my mental health issues.  As I'm thinking I'm seeking something to do, and decide to read from my daily Bible reading plan.  I hadn't read in a few days, but I was trying to think of something to do which was relatively calm so that I might be able to easily get to sleep.  I did my reading and I still wasn't ver...

 I keep thinking that I should really post more, but I simultaneously keep thinking that it would be too hard.  Especially finding something to say every time. Today I come to you with news of a mixed variety.  Honestly, I had somewhat forgotten of my "decision" from my last post, although I have still somewhat been adhering to it as well.  I'm still pursuing Christ-likeness, but definitely not with the same fervor of that day.   Today I've been struggling a fair bit with doing a chore that I need to.  One that practically is simple, but simultaneously one that is difficult for me for some reason.  I guess I really struggle with most chores right now, but this one is more important because whether or not I do it can affect one of my closest relationships.  I get very frustrated with myself regarding this chore because of the duality of it.  The reality that I struggle paired with the reality that it just simply isn't difficult to perform...